Reprogramming the Kidbots

I often say that when the kids come home from an extended stay at the other parents' house, we spend a week reprogramming them. While I understand we aren't raising little kidbots, sometimes it feels like while they are gone, they are completely rewired.

More often than not, they come home disrespectful, argumentative, and angry. After a week or two of Rock Star style fun they come home to their boring old lives full of rules and chores and an expectation of respect for everyone and everything around them.

I guess I was raised in the old school style where kids used simple manners (please, thank you, yes ma'am and I'm sorry). I feel like each person in the household pitching in on chores allows us to live in a clean home where company can visit anytime as well as teach valuable life lesson for the future where mom no longer does their laundry, washes their dishes, or finds their shoes. I know that the word "no" doesn't win me popularity points but teaches my children 1) I'm in control and 2) if they want it bad enough, they should work for it and 3) we don't always get what we want and that's ok; life doesn't end with the word "no".

This is where I come to terms, however, with the statement - My house, my rules. I do pray though that these little lesson we try to instill in our home are taken out of it in some little way and as the years pass they will want to embrace the values we are trying to teach.

Join the Blended Family Forum

Alright step-moms!

It's time for us to join together.

We all know how those times come where we just feel like no one understands our blended family struggle and the job of being a step-mom.

But here you are quickly going to find that we are all in this together!

Someone has been there or will face what you are going through.

Come share, support, encourage!

We want to hear your voice.

Speak up!

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Belly laughs and heart smiles from my boys!

There are times that my boys do things that seriously make me laugh!

The other evening, I was a bit upset with my family. Honestly, I was just feeling totally defeated in the game of being a step-mom. So what did I do? I grabbed my keys and left before I said something incredibly ugly to kids that were being, well, KIDS!

I went to our local hang out but since I don't really "hang out" very often anymore, I didn't know anyone in sight except the bartender. So I selected a seat at the end of the bar away from the crowd. As I sat there, I just stewed over the evening's activities.

As usual, I had my phone and when it beeped a message notice, I opened it to find this (edited for personal protection of my kiddo):

Hey liz! Im sorry...
but we are friends now and i love you still. Also, can you and i do something together? Go anywhere you want. france, germany, spain, paris, the sewers i really dont care as long as we are a family. 

 

Oh, my! I nearly lost my drink right there in the restaurant!

Do you know how hard it is to explain that you are laughing to near tears when you are by yourself and there are only TVs airing sports events? It's impossible without telling the truth.

Needless to say, I hurried home to give my little monkeys a big hug! I guess we all have our moments and hugs are much better than frowns. 

The Big Bad Wolf - The Kid's Side of the Story

A few days ago, I posted on Facebook my frustrations with my step-kids that most often view me as the Big Bad Wolf rather than a mom. They seem not to appreciate me and are at times very rude and disrespectful.

But overall, I feel like my SSs and I have a good relationship and our blended family seems to mesh well most of the time. So why do they act like rotten, spoiled pains at times?

Well, let's be fair.....

My husband works crazy work hours and sometimes works a 2nd or 3rd job. He leaves often before sun-rise and it's not unusual for him to arrive home just before bedtime or well after. The boys' mother lives out of state therefore they only visit several times a year. She stays active by phone, but that's just not the same as being involved in everyday issues.

So, who gets to deal with the problems? Who breaks up family tension? Who deals with the attitude when someone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed? Who gets a call from the principal or teacher about grades or behavior issues? Who's job is it to enforce punishment? Who does the grounding? Who says "no, you can't go play because you didn't do your chores"? Who says "Please stop", "Settle down", "Don't hit your brother", "STOP running in the house", "I don't care how things are at your mom's this is MY house" 423,567 times before she blows her stack?

Me! That's who!!

No wonder these fellas look to me as the evil one in the family! While I do try to love them and show that love abundantly during everyday happening, the cloak of doom is usually on my shoulders. So, I have to remember not to take things so personal. Maybe it's time to try discipline with even more love. Because it really does stink to be the "mean one".

Welcome

Thanks for joining my random thoughts and tidbits on life as a step-mom!

A gratifying but often thankless job it is.

Full of emotion, laughs, tears, happiness, and sometimes anger, our days vary consistently.

Most days I'd like to think we're one happy family. Other days I question God's sanity! And my own!

The truth is, I wouldn't trade my little family for anything and the moments we have only make us stronger each day.

Please continue to join me on the journey of step-motherhood and all the daily trials and tribulations we endure. And please chime in. Use the forum and share with your friends. We can all use a little support from time to time.